This is a collection of stories teachers have emailed me that started with posts from the Teachers.net Primary Education chat board (which has since been divided into separate grade levels). Someone on the board came up with the idea to post the funniest classroom stories, and what follows are hilarious TRUE tales from classrooms all across America that I copied and pasted from the chat board, combined with the awesome stories that you all email to me.
Because the teachers don’t use their real names on the boards (or often, any names at all), I haven’t been able to give credit to the contributors. If you recognize any of the anecdotes below and would like to add your name to it, please email me. (Many of these anecdotes could be incriminating, though, so anonymity is probably best!) Old posts are not archived at Teachers.net, so this is the only place you’ll find the collection of stories below.
I’ve divided them into hilarious kid stories and hilarious parent stories. Please know that I am posting these as a form of comic relief for teachers, and the anecdotes are not meant toundermine parent-teacher relationships in any way. I have the utmost respect for the role of the parent in a child’s education, and what makes these stories amusing is the fact that they ARE unusual and not typical of the interactions between teachers and parents. Enjoy!!
Funny teacher stories: Outrageous encounters with parents
This happened about ten years ago. I caught little “Johnny” with a cheat sheet during a practice spelling test. We have a practice test on Thursdays. If they score 100% on Thurs, then they don’t have to take the test on Friday. I talked to the boy about doing his best without looking at the paper he brought from home and then I told him that he would have another chance the next day on the “real” test. I sent mom a note telling her the same thing. Mom sent a typewritten letter the next day saying that it was all her fault because she had praised him too much the week before when he got 100% on the spelling test. She said that she had given him the test at home and he got 100%, so could I just give him that grade this week? Oh, boy!!
This did not happen to me but I heard about it from the teacher it happened to several years ago: A parent sent a box of cake mix and a can of frosting with a note to the teacher saying that it was for her daughter’s birthday later that week and would she please make it?
A child who misses school often was out one day, but this time upon returning to school, had a doctor’s note. Sounded official to me. The attendance clerk called me in for a laugh. In my rush to get all notes in the attendance folder, I didn’t notice that my little 6-year-old boy had been to the OBGYN for a visit, according to the note.
A parent asked me one year if I could watch her kid after school because she couldn’t get to school in time to pick him up and what did I do after all the kids were gone anyway?
After an hour long conference with a parent discussing in detail the child’s severe behavior issues, failing grades in every subject, and total disrespect for all other children and adults, the parent turns to me and says “But other than that, he’s doing okay, right?”
During a conference with a mom whose 3rd grade son was doing nothing but flirting with a girl (ugh): She said, “Well, I got no worries, coz he’s a pretty boy. He knows the girls will do all the work for him. I tell him every day, he’s a pretty boy. He got no worries, I got no worries.” (He’s not a pretty boy, and I’ve got lots of worries).
[From an upper grades teacher] Another mom came in to see how her behaviorally challenged girl was doing. This child has been a problem since kindergarten. She was so excited when she said, “I think I know why R. is acting up! She’s going to get her period!” Well, that is the longest case of PMS I have ever seen.
Each Tuesday, test folders go home for parents to look over, sign, and return on Wednesday. One parent sent it to me on Friday with a note that she was unable to sign it because she couldn’t find a pencil.
A parent thought her daughter shouldn’t have the spelling words lick and like marked incorrect since they were spelled correctly except she wrote lick for like and like for lick.
I teach at a Christian school and during Halloween, we choose to celebrate harvest and stay away from Jack-O-Lanterns, etc. We do however color harvest pictures with pumpkins (no faces) and use these as an object lesson about God’s creation. One parent was so upset that we even allowed pumpkins that she pulled her son out of our school and put him in public school. Hmmmmm, wonder what they do on Halloween? LOL
A few years ago a mother called me to tell me that her child had strep throat and the doctor said she had to be out of school until she had taken the antibiotic and was fever free for at least 24 hours. So I thanked her for letting me know. Then she said, “She’ll still get her perfect attendance award at the end of the year, won’t she?” I said, “Well, no, not if she has to be absent.” The mother got all huffy and said, “I can’t believe you all count kids absent when they’re sick!” then she hung up on me.
Recently I got this note from a mother of a child in my class. I kept it because it was a classic. It sounds like a missing persons report, or perhaps a description of someone who has just robbed a bank. “_____’s grandmother will be picking her up today. Her name is _____. She drives a blue ’95 Buick and is wearing a purple jacket, red shirt, and blue jeans.” I wondered what I should do if Grandma happened to change clothes during the day.
When I was on hall duty and I sent a child back to walk after he was running and crashed into three kids. The mother was nearby and said, “You don’t have to go back and walk. We’ll practice walking tomorrow.” I said, “No, he has to go back and walk right now, so he gets the immediate message.” She said, “But we’re already late.” I replied, “Well if he hadn’t been running at lightning speed through the hallway, he wouldn’t be going back to walk. It will only take him a few seconds each way.” She replied, “What is your name so I can report you to the principal?” I told her my name and said she was free to go tell the principal that her son was running through the hallways and that I made him go back and walk. She turned to her kid and said, “I guess you better go back and walk. I guess you have to listen to all of the teachers around here, not just your own.” Is it any surprise that the kids backtalk us the way that they do?
I had a parent tell me at conferences that 1st grade should be all about reading and that the kids shouldn’t even have math!
On “Susie’s” birthday I met her and mom at my door early in the morning. I said “Happy Birthday Susie!” Her mom looked at me funny, looked at Susie, and then looked very embarrassed while she said, “Oh! Happy Birthday!” She had completely forgotten. Poor girl.
Excuse note: “Susie will be checked out early today. We are getting her hair and nails done.”
Excuse note: “Johnny’s homework is done, it’s just at home, so you can give him credit.” Uh, NO.
Excuse note from a parent to explain a tardy child on a very cold winter day (neatly written in purple ink): “Please excuse _____ for being late today. The car done froze up and would not crank.”
Several years ago a parent wrote me a note (both parents are doctors by the way) that said, “_____ is feeling a little tired this morning. Could she please go to the clinic to take a nap sometime today?”
Just yesterday a parent said to me, “You only grade the papers that ____ doesn’t do well on and you DON’T take a grade on the things he does a good job on!”
[This one’s great] Our school policy is to put book covers on all hardback books. At the beginning of a school year I sent home a Social Studies book with a note that said “please cover this book and return it tomorrow”. The next morning one Mom brought her son in. She handed the book to me and said, “I’m sorry, we were so busy last night, there is no way we could read this whole book”.
One year we sent parent notes asking for help with supplies for a Johnny Appleseed celebration. (This was on a Wednesday. We needed them the following Tuesday.) A parent responded that she couldn’t send any apple juice, because WEDNESDAY was her grocery day.
I have a student with quite a behavior problem. I tell the parent he stole something–Her reply, “Oh, he’s not allowed to steal.” I tell the parent he brought his game boy to school, “Oh, he’s not allowed to bring it to school”. I told the parent that he made fun of a developmentally delayed student. Her reply: “Oh, he’s not allowed to do that.” You get the picture.
A student in my class punched another student in the face and was suspended for 3 days. When he returned to school, his mother met with me and the principal and stated that instead of the suspension plan, she wanted her son to be on the paddling plan where he is paddled when he does something wrong instead of being suspended. When our principal explained that our district had no corporal punishment policy, she said that she would sign a paper and have it notarized so we could do it. I guess those 3 days at home were hell for her.
The first graders were given a list of 10 sight words that we were studying that week. On Friday, the students had to read the words to me. One student did not know any of them. When I sent the paper home, I got an ugly note requesting me to call this mom. The Mom said she doesn’t know how her child received a 0 on this paper because she “looked” at the sight words. She said, “We did what you asked. Sight words–she looked at them.”
My teammate had a great conference. The mom was questioning everything on the report card. Our kindergarten grades are N-not yet apparent, W- with assistance and I- Independently. Her child had gotten a W in writing. The mom said if the teacher would only give him more help with his writing, he could be independent. Got to love it!
This line is just too funny to resist. I had a mother accuse me of being responsible for her daughter’s loss of virginity. (BTW, I am female and teaching 2nd grade at the time). To say I was speechless would be an understatement. And if you knew me, being speechless is out of character. I had warned this little girl repeatedly to sit down properly in her seat. But she insisted on sitting on the chair as if she were getting on a horse, swinging her leg over the back of the chair and then sitting. Yep, it happened. As she was swinging the leg, shelost her balance and ended up straddling the back of the chair rather hard. I immediately sent her to the nurse because she was in a lot of pain. I got a letter the next day saying I was responsible for the little girl losing her virginity (there was some bleeding) and how were they going to explain it to her future husband. This had to have been a couple of decades ago. I guess the husband, if there is one, got over it.
When I taught kindergarten I had a mom call me at my home before school had started and asked me where she should buy her son a glue stick.
Last year I had a student who was a behavior problem. The parents were supportive, though they really didn’t see why any of the things he did were inappropriate. He was improving and I had told the parents that. However on our behavior grading scale he still had so many card changes that he got a U in classroom behavior. Mom came in very upset. I’d told her he was doing better but he still got a U and she couldn’t understand why. I explained the grading scale used by all the first grade teachers. Her comment was, “Oh, you’re grading him like all the other children?”
I once called a parent in to pick up her daughter because she had head lice (I saw moving bugs). Mom came and got her alright. They went out to the parking lot then mom came back to let me know that those weren’t lice they were something else!!!! EWWWWW
The one about the live, moving bugs reminded me of this one. Many years ago, the “senior” school nurse came into my classroom to check for head lice. After checking each student, (I bet the whole thing took under 2 minutes for the whole class) she called me out into the hall. She said, “Well, you’ve got one that has lice, live fleas, and is a bed wetter”. I said, “You got all of that in the 10 seconds you spent with him?” She said, “Yep, when you’ve been at this for so many years, it doesn’t take long!!!”
I got a note from a parent that said, “I’d like to know why my son lost his recess yesterday so I can inform my lawyer.”
Early in my second year of teaching, I had a boy who was an angel in the classroom but who, for some reason, felt like dancing the majority of the times we walked down the hall. I put his name on the board and took away some recess when he did this, per our school discipline plan. I also would write a note on his daily behavior calendar. On the day the fourth note went home, I got a call from the boy’s grandmother about 15 minutes after school had ended. She wanted to know why ____’s name was on the board again because “He said he was not dancin’ in the hall like you said he was.” I described for her again what was happening in the hall, and she replied, “I KNEW it! I knew he was doin’ it! Every time I take that boy to the grocery store, I’ll turn around, and he be dancin! I tell him: ‘Boy, there ain’t nobody gonna be throwin’ nickels and dimes at you!’” It was all I could do to hold in my laughter until I got off the phone. Needless to say, I did not get any more phone calls from her denying that her grandson was in trouble.
My first year of teaching was during the time when the movie “The Titanic” was still very popular. During journal time, I had a second-grade boy bring his journal to me to show me his artwork. “Look,” he said, “I’m Leonardo DiCaprio!” (instead of DaVinci, the artist).
I have a child (I teach first) that is way below grade level– I wrote a note to mom asking her to come in so we could discuss strategies and testing. Her reply back was to just go ahead and sign him up for the slow classes after all, her and his dad were in them when they were in school!!!!
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