The crumb story: following your inner compass when you can’t please everyone

I wanted to share a small story—just a quiet moment at an airport breakfast counter—that brought me back to the kind of person I want to be.

It’s a simple action, one that no one asked for or expected. But it reminded me that our small choices matter… especially now.

Because let’s be honest: it’s not always clear what the “right” choice is anymore.

Social norms are shifting fast. Families have vastly different beliefs about what should be taught in school. Everyone’s following their own path, and as educators, we’re constantly navigating conflicting expectations. You can’t make everyone happy. And trying to please every person or reflect every worldview just leaves you feeling pulled in a dozen directions.

So, how do you decide how to show up—when there’s no one-size-fits-all answer?

For me, it comes back to personal integrity. To who I want to be, even when there’s no rulebook. This episode is an invitation to use this summer season to realign with your inner compass and reflect on what kind of world you want to help build—starting with the small, almost invisible choices you make every day.

We’ll reflect on:

• Why integrity and empathy are more important than ever in a divided world
• How to center your actions around who you want to be (not who you’re expected to be)
• Questions to help you define your personal values and vision
• Ways to leave things better than you found them, even in tiny, almost invisible ways

This isn’t about perfection. It’s about intention.

It’s about being the kind of person who shows up with clarity, even when no one’s watching.

And it’s about using this summer to reconnect with the kind of world you want to help create.

Listen to episode 328 below,
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Sponsored by Educate and Rejuvenate

One of my favorite things to talk about is personal development among educators. Who we are impacts how we show up in the classroom, and what better time of year to focus on ourselves and deepening our understanding of what’s important to us?

The idea for this episode came to me recently when I was sitting in an airport terminal on my way to speak to a group of administrators about streamlining systems and creating a culture of work-life balance school-wide. I was eating breakfast at one of those counter-height tables by the gate. You know the kind—high chairs bolted to the floor, tiny stretch of tabletop, just enough space for a coffee and a carry-on.

When I finished eating, I noticed there were some crumbs left behind. Nothing major. Just the inevitable trail of flaky pastry and toast crumbs that follow any decent airport breakfast. I looked around. There was no napkin dispenser, no one rushing over to clean the space. And of course, someone is paid to wipe down the tables eventually. But I didn’t move on and leave the mess for someone else.

I grabbed a tissue from my bag, swiped the crumbs into my hand, and threw them away.

Not because anyone was watching. Not because I felt guilty. Not because there was a punishment if I didn’t. Not because I was trying to earn some imaginary gold star for being a good citizen.

I wiped the counter because I like being the kind of person who takes care.

It was a sudden realization that hit me in that moment: that I had instinctively cleaned up after myself because that had become part of my personal identity. It hit me that I like being the kind of person who leaves things a little better than I found them.

Obviously, wiping the crumbs off a table at the airport is not a huge deal, and you might even be wondering why I gave it a second thought.

There are two reasons. One is that I’m always analyzing my choices, behavior, and thoughts. I enjoy observing myself and others and learning more about our individual tendencies, preferences, and habits.

And that ties directly to the second reason–that knowing myself, honoring my needs, and developing a self of personal integrity are not things I learned until I was an adult.

I mentioned in my personal podcast series I released in the summer of 2023 that I grew up in a fundamentalist religion, where right and wrong were defined for me in very clear, very structured ways. The rules didn’t always make sense to me, and often conflicted with what I later understood to be my own moral compass and internal sense of right or wrong. Nevertheless, who was I to question things? My job was to do what it said, to do what I was told was right and avoid what I was told was wrong.

There was a comfort in that clarity—in some ways, life is easier knowing there was always a rule to follow, always a line to stay inside. Seeing issues through a black and white lens with no gray area is simpler.

But the nuance, the paradox, the complexity and tension of “both/and” instead of “either/or”…there’s a richness in that. It’s not simpler, but it’s deeper.

And over the years, as I’ve deconstructed my faith, I’ve moved away from that black-and-white framework where the rules are clearly defined for me no matter how I feel about them. And that’s left me to do the work of figuring out the deeper truths underneath the rote following of rules. Part of my work in healing and becoming the best version of myself is uncovering what still resonates and what feels aligned.

So instead of asking “What am I supposed to do?”

I ask,

• “Who do I want to be?”
• “What kind of person am I becoming?”
• “What kind of world am I helping to create?”

Those questions feel more meaningful to me now than a list of dos and don’ts. They help me show up with integrity—even when there’s no roadmap, even when there’s no consensus.

And I wanted to share that with you, in case you’re in a similar place in your life, and of course, in case you’re finding the topic of morals and values is coming up more frequently in your work as an educator.

Because we’re living in a time when core values can feel fragmented or divisive, when basic manners have been discarded, and empathy and care become quickly politicized. Our students come from all kinds of religious backgrounds, belief systems, and family cultures. They carry different definitions of what’s right and wrong, what’s respectful or disrespectful, and what’s “normal.”

And we, as educators, are navigating that complex terrain every single day. You may have students in your classroom whose parents want you to teach them in diametrically opposed ways. The worldview that one parent demands you present to their could completely contradict what another parent wants you to present.

So where do we turn when there’s no clear rulebook to follow? When your decisions won’t be universally understood or appreciated? When there’s no single answer that’s going to please everyone, or apply in every situation? How do we navigate the nuance?

For me, increasingly, things come back to the type of person I want to be.

Not the kind of person who follows every rule to the letter without question.
Not the kind who shrinks herself to avoid discomfort or hard conversations.
Not even the kind of person who always gets it right and can keep everyone happy.

I want to be the kind of person who acts with compassion, integrity, and curiosity.
The kind of person who doesn’t just react, but reflects.
The kind of person who leaves things a little better than I found them.

Even when that doesn’t show up on a rubric.
Even when the impact isn’t visible right away.
Even when no one notices.

Maybe especially when no one notices.

And honestly? That’s the kind of moral compass I want to be modeling for kids.

Because our country is more divided and unsettled than it’s been in a long time. Fear and outrage are everywhere. Misinformation spreads fast. Nuance gets flattened.

And in all of this, I’ve seen that kindness, community care, and empathy aren’t just nice-to-haves—they’re lifelines. Humans being good to one another, and considerate of one another…this is what we still have, and what’s holding us together.

I see it every single day in on the streets in New York: the way folks go out of their way to help a tourist who is lost, and carry a stroller up a flight of steps in the subway for a mom who’s on her own, and make friendly conversation with the barista who makes their coffee each morning. These tiny acts remind me I’m not alone, the whole world has not gone crazy. These little things remind me that we do still have each other, that the human connection is more valuable perhaps now than ever, and that countless other people believe in this too.

And that’s why I wiped up the crumbs on the table at the airport: so the next person who came along, weary from their travels, could sit down at the table after me in a space that was clean and welcoming for them.

And it doesn’t matter to me if no one else does it. Some people won’t, for a whole variety of understandable and not-so-understandable reasons. I’m fine with that. Because it’s not about me needing other people to wipe off their tables at the airport. I’m focused on who I want to be and how I want to show up in the world. What am I contributing to the folks around me? Am I harming or helping? Am I making things better for others, or just for myself?

Naturally, I am sometimes harming, sometimes thoughtless and careless, sometimes just focused on myself. This is okay, too, because I’m human.

My goal is to be aware of when those moments are happening–rather than coasting through the day on autopilot–and identifying what prevented me from showing up as the best version of myself.

Was I too rushed to have time to wipe the table? On the phone and too distracted to realize I’d left the table a mess? Was I annoyed, irritable, and just didn’t feel like it?

Knowing what circumstances make it harder for me to act from a place of integrity helps me make better choices in the future. I can leave earlier for the airport so I’m not rushing, I can put away my phone and be present with my meal, I can make sure I have things like Airpods to help me stay comfortable in a noisy, chaotic environment so I can regulate my nervous system and be intentional with my behaviors.

That’s what I mean by showing up as the best version of myself, as much as I can. And that’s what it looks like for me to follow my inner compass and choose how I want to act and react.

I believe that each intentional choice can create a ripple effect on the people around us. I’ve seen how one rude person can put me in a bad mood, so I’m rude to others, and how one friendly person can make me laugh and help me bring a smile to someone else’s face.

And I know this is true in our schools, too. Students are watching us to see how we navigate the gray areas, and what we do in those little moments. Do we wipe the crumbs or leave them? They’re watching how we respond when we’re challenged, how we treat people who disagree with us, how we carry ourselves in moments of tension and stress.

That doesn’t mean we have to be perfect.

But it does require a level of introspection and intentionality.

So as you move through this summer—resting, resetting, reflecting—I invite you to notice the small things.

Not the performative ones. Not the “check this off your self-care list” kind of things.

The tiny, quiet moments that remind you of who you are.

• The way you greet your neighbor or hold the door for a person behind you
• The way you tend to your home, your relationships, your creative spark.
• The way you choose kindness, even when you’re exhausted.

And maybe take it one step further. Ask yourself:

• What kind of person do I want to be—when no one’s watching?
• What kind of world do I want to help create?
• What values feel true to me, even when they’re inconvenient?

These are the moments that shape us. These are the quiet declarations we make about what we value, who we are, and who we’re becoming.

So when you’re reading a news article or social media post and are tempted to conclude our society is falling apart and everyone’s rude and selfish, remember the crumb story. Your choices don’t have to be based on how other people behave. You don’t have to mirror the unpleasantness others display.

What kind of person do you like to be? How do you enjoy showing up in the world? What are your best traits and habits that feel really good to put forward as you move through your day?

That’s your inner compass, your integrity, your highest self. Choosing to listen to and follow that intuition about the kind of person you like to be will ensure that you aren’t easily swayed by other people’s behaviors. Check in with yourself, act from your own integrity, and know that regardless of how (or if) other people respond, you will feel satisfied with how you showed up.