So it’s That Time of Year when your students get on each other’s nerves and YOURS to a greater degree than ever before. The behaviors that have irritated you nonstop for eight months have now become unbearable. Intolerable. Your eyes roll involuntarily at the very mention of a certain student’s name.
I’ve been wanting to write something about that for weeks, but a) I don’t blog anonymously, hence I never say anything negative about my students even in general (what, you just thought I taught in a perfect school?) and b) there are some behaviors that are so annoying that they cannot be put into words.
Except? They can. Check out this hilarious little gem from Mei Flower’s blog:
Jiminy crickets, this child is annoying.
No. Annoying is not even the word for it. This is going to require more words than just that.
Imagine, if you will, that you are locked in a room with fluorescent lighting, and one of the bulbs keeps blinking. Also in this room, there is a television that plays only static, and the Muzak plays “It’s a Small World” on an endless loop. A tiny mosquito keeps biting you, and you have a horrible itch right in between your toes. You hear, but cannot see, another person who keeps sniffling, but never blows his nose. Somebody, somewhere, bounces a ball against the wall and never stops. A child is kicking the back of your chair. Your little brother holds his finger one centimeter from your cheek and chants, “I’m not touching you.” A Psych 101 freshman begins to analyze you. A thread hangs from your sleeve, and when you pull it, it just keeps unraveling and unraveling and unraveling. Water drips on your face, but you can’t tell where it’s coming from. Somebody has decided to favor you with a re-imagining of Austin Powers, complete with the horrible, horrible British accent. The idiot next to you is chewing his gum with his mouth open. Someone else is rubbing pieces of styrofoam together. Elizabeth Hasselbeck starts to talk to you. You can’t stop hearing “My Heart Will Go On” in your head. You’re forced to participate in an Old Maid tournament. And then Rob Schneider shows up.
Now, multiply that by 19,348,674,928,686,205,992,475,608,976,509,867,520, and you will have .000000001% of the amount of annoying that this child is.
I only have him 45 minutes every other day, but sometimes I wish I would die just so I can get away from him.
He would be useful in torture situations, when our military leaders are trying to extract information from prisoners. One second with him, and they would vomit up everything they know.
Thank you, Mei Flower, for putting into words what I could not. I try hard to stay positive, but when I read that post, all I could think was, Oh, thank God it’s not just ME.
Are you at the end of your rope, patience-wise? How’s your sanity level at this point in the year? Commiseration welcome…
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