Handling the stress of getting a new student unexpectedly

You’re in the middle of teaching your class and there’s a knock on your door. With no warning, you’ve gotten a brand new student. He has a nasty look on his face and refuses to smile or shake your hand when you greet him.

Haven’t we all been there?

When you get a new student in the middle of the year, your automatic thoughts may include ideas like these:

I should not be interrupted during lessons. I can’t possibly take any more students because this class is already overcrowded and too hard to handle. This student is clearly uncooperative and a troublemaker. He’s going to make my job harder. I can’t believe this is happening. This year just keeps getting worse and worse.

When you think those thoughts—even if you’re not aware they’re running through your head—you give rise to various emotions like irritation, anxiety, mild panic, exhaustion, and anger. The process of emotion following thought can happen in the blink of an eye, so quickly and automatically that you may not even be aware that your thoughts were the catalysts for your feelings. And yet it’s true: negative emotions largely arise out of negative thoughts.

If your thoughts about the student are different, your emotions will also be different. Your automatic thoughts might play out this way:

Wow, that was a surprise. Although I’m not prepared for another new student, I can see that this kid is very apprehensive and insecure about being here. I want to welcome him as warmly as possible to let him know he’s safe in our room and can drop the attitude. Though I’m not thrilled about having another student in this class of 32, I know he’s been placed in my room for a reason, and he might accomplish great things under my care. Rather than dwell on this new challenge and make myself feel overwhelmed, I’m just going to get the student settled and get right back to teaching my lesson.

Thought systems like this are likely to result in initial feelings of mild annoyance (but not anger) and after a few moments, feelings of confidence and purpose.

An external event cannot create feelings of indignation, frustration, or rage. Only your thoughts and beliefs about the situation create those feelings. That’s why some teachers get new students and barely seem to break their stride, while others mope and complain dejectedly about how they can’t deal with another kid and all the extra effort a new student requires.

This is a very important and empowering concept, because it means YOU have total control over how you feel. No person or situation can make you feel upset. The stress reaction that you experience stems directly from the thoughts and feelings you create.

If you’re stressed out or experiencing negative feelings, that’s an indication that your thoughts have been negative. The instant you start to feel unhappy, worried, or depressed, start thinking about what you’ve been thinking about. Your unhealthy feelings are actually beneficial if you look at them in this way; they give you insight into your unconscious beliefs and automatic thought system that you might otherwise fail to notice.

When I start to notice a bad mood or unpleasant emotions creeping in, I often use a bit of sarcasm to help myself make the connection between my thoughts and feelings:

I feel so irritable right now—everything is getting on my nerves. Why could that be? Oh, what a coincidence! I was JUST making a mental list of everything I did for that parent and replaying how all she did was ask for more favors. No wonder I don’t feel like being around people when I was so focused on the thought “no good deed goes unpunished!”

I don’t feel like doing ANYTHING right now. What could have caused that? Oh, duh! I was just thinking about how little sleep I’ve gotten the last few nights and how much I have to do. I made myself feel overwhelmed by harping on how much I need sleep instead of just focusing on what’s happening in this moment.

This tongue-in-cheek attitude gives me power over my negative feelings instead of vice versa. And unlike harsh self-criticism, this method weakens the influence of my feelings rather than weakening the way I feel about myself.

By learning to examine your thought system, you can identify which ideas and processes are constructive and which are not, and slowly begin to replace unhealthy mental habits with more effective ones. If you’re feeling guilty or ashamed about your negative emotions (or about the way you express them), you’ll find that these feelings lessen considerably when you know that your identity is not in your feelings. You will have the power to observe your emotions and recognize their source in your thoughts, rather than identify with them and use them to define and condemn who you are.

This post was an excerpt from my latest book, Awakened: Change Your Mindset to Transform Your Teaching. You can read sample chapters and more here.

Does your school allow students to enroll in the middle of the school day and send new kids to the classroom while you’re teaching? Do you have new students show up unexpectedly at your door? How do you deal with getting a new student in the middle of the year?