Aw, poop.

It’s better than Tag. It’s better than Red Light, Green Light. Chasing iguanas on the playground is the perennial favorite for schoolchildren in South Florida. So much so, that “Do Not Chase, Poke At, or Scream at Iguanas and Lizards” is an official rule I mention on the first day of school. They will not hurt you. But it is not safe to touch them, and it is not nice to tease or yell at them. They get scared. Treat them like you would treat a stray cat or dog: watch it from far away and don’t interact with it at all. If it comes close to you, move away.

It takes awhile, but the kids eventually get it. “Be respectful of the iguaaaaanaaaaa!!” they chastise each other, watching me out of the corner of their eyes to ensure they are earning brownie points. “Don’t chase it in the bushes! It’s an aaaanimal! It has feeeelings!”

But today, one iguana stood up for the pack, or whatever social network reptiles have going on. This guy climbed up the stairs outside our classroom and hung out for awhile at the top, surveying his territory. Just chillin’. No where to be.

Dude, get back. I’ll jump, I swear I’ll do it. Don’t try to talk me out of this.

Hah. I’ll drop this over the edge, right on your little poop-colored hallway floor below. Even my excrement is camouflaged. Iguanas 1, Schoolchildren 0. See ya for round two tomorrow on the playground. Make sure you check the slide before you go down it, hehe.