Your thoughts: how does parenthood affect the practice of educators?

Every now and then, a student’s parent will ask me if I have kids of my own. They always look a little disappointed when I reply “not yet”, as if I don’t understand their struggles as well as they’d hoped. I’m looking forward to starting a family soon with my husband, and I wonder a lot about how the experience of parenthood affects those who work in education.

Musings of this sort are what makes my personal learning network (PLN) so invaluable. What an amazing experience to be able to toss this question out via social media and get replies from educators all over the world. I started these conversations a month ago and allowed the initial responses to shape the way I pursued the topic later. I went to my Facebook fans and The Cornerstone yGroup first:

I received dozens of thought-provoking responses, most of which hit on at least one of four categories. Here are the main ways becoming a parent has affected the way these teachers view their students:

1) They have increased empathy toward parents AND students.

Katrina Andres Murphy wrote: “I think I have more patience for individual personalities. My expectations are now more in line with their development. I also understand that this little person is the whole world to these parents. They are sending the best they have to school. They are not leaving the good ones at home. :-)”

2) They are less frustrated about students not completing homework.

Many teachers who used to get angry when homework was repeatedly missing have a new understanding and don’t let it bother them once they become parents themselves. Angela Rodriguez Gibson shared: “…I can see how homework might not get done. I understand not being able to miss work for conferences. I understand that everyone thinks their child is a genius and an angel. I also understand the frustrations of the school system.”

3) They hold a new and deeper respect for individuality.

J from the Cornerstone yGroup says: “Since becoming a parent, I’ve also learned that kids are who they are–even with the best parents in the world. Just because a child has issues (whatever they may be), does not necessarily mean it is due to poor parenting. At nearly 2 years, my child is super high energy, busy, into everything. I can’t even imagine what he will be like in kindergarten!”

4) They develop a truer sense of the importance and ultimate mission of teachers. Marcella Martinez: “…Being a teacher and having your own kids in school you realize what kind of teacher u want for your kids. Now I try to be that teacher to my students.”

So does being a parent make you a better teacher?

Cindy Rice Magruder says yes. “I think being a teacher has made me a better mother and vice versa. I am a better disciplinarian, more patient, and more understanding of those issues that kids may have at home. I am thankful everyday that I have that insight!! The children I work with often don’t have a strong support system at home, so I feel like that motivates me to be a better mom and teacher to those kids!”

And Laura Jewell Qualley agrees: “…I have learned to relax about certain things, like homework that doesn’t get done, and I am also much less critical of both parents and children in general. Parenting is hard, and working full time on top of it is often a crazy life. I think being a parent has made me a better teacher, and being a teacher has made me a better parent.”

But not everyone feels that simultaneously playing the role of parent and teacher is beneficial. Heather Mason responded on Twitter with a link to a brutally honest post on her blog, Teacher in Transition. It’s an interesting read about how parenthood may make you a better teacher, but the effect might not be reciprocal: “I want to be good at both. I know that it must be possible, but I just can’t seem to find the balance; the fulcrum keeps moving. Some days I am the better parent and falling behind as a teacher; others I am a better teacher but missing my kids in the process. I am always at the top of the see-saw waiting for the big drop.”

What are the implications for teachers without kids of their own?

Developing a greater empathy for parents and a deeper understanding of children’s individuality is an important goal for any teacher, and those of us without kids should start disciplining ourselves in this area now. A good place to start is by reading the smashing blow of humility that is cleared delivered by John Spencer on his blog as he concludes that with 3 kids of his own, he can no longer complain about parents: “Is it possible that the confusion and terror I feel about things like sickness [of a child] are what many parents feel about things like homework and grades and independent projects? Is it unreasonable for a parent to assume that the teacher should be more knowledgeable than the parents on issues of classroom management, assessment, instruction and motivation? Yet, I’ve seen many teachers who not only request, but demand that parents serve them and fix any potential problems. I’d be offended if the doctor called me in and said, ‘Your child is sick. I want you to come up with some solutions at home and bring me back when he’s well.’” [Be sure to read the post comments, especially the one by Teacherfish who shares a mortifying lesson about the demands of parenthood.]

What are the implications for policy makers and those in other out-of-classroom positions?

Melanie Williams Weber, a teacher and parent, shares “I’ve begun to notice more of the limitations of the school system. I see how much my kids (6 and 4) learn through natural interactions and how simplistic school learning standards are.”

In some respects, aren’t kids capable of learning so much more than what we’re expecting them to learn? And in other respects, aren’t we demanding too much of them? Parenthood clearly affects the way teachers teach. But does it affect the way educational change is created? I tossed this question out on Twitter:

It’s that second question that I’m wondering most about now, and hoping to get more responses on. How did parenthood affect those who created the No Child Left Behind Act? Do any policy makers have young children or grandchildren who must be subjected to the culture of testing and obsessive accountability they’ve created, or are they bowing out with private schooling? Becoming a parent seems to produce deeper empathy and purpose in the lives of teachers. Is there any such effect or correlation with education policy makers?

What are YOUR thoughts on parenthood and education?