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Mindset & Motivation, Podcast Articles   |   Mar 1, 2015

How to keep teaching when your personal life is falling apart

By Angela Watson

Founder and Writer

How to keep teaching when your personal life is falling apart

By Angela Watson

When you’re experiencing deep personal loss or serious problems at home, it’s difficult to be the teacher you want to be.

Learn how to minimize the negative impact of your stress on students and manage your energy levels so you can bounce back more quickly.

This post is based on the latest episode of my weekly podcast, Angela Watson’s Truth for Teachers. A podcast is essentially a talk radio show that you can listen to online or download and take with you wherever you go. I release a new episode each Sunday and feature it here on the blog to help you get energized and motivated for the week ahead. Learn more about the podcast, view blog posts for all past episodes, or subscribe in iTunesto get new episodes right away.

A special thanks to this episode’s sponsor, SnapLearning. SnapLearning is a provider of fantastic digital reading resources, including materials for close reading. You can get a free demo of the product at snaplearning.co.

 

This week, I wanted to talk about how to keep being an effective teacher during periods of deep personal loss or intense stress. For some reason, no one really talks about the fact that all teachers have times in our lives when we just aren’t able to give 100% to the job.

If you stick with this profession for any real length of time, you’re going to experience low-energy periods that last for weeks or even months, such as when going through a divorce or dealing with a family member’s terminal illness. Maybe you’re having difficulty getting or staying pregnant. Maybe you’re about to foreclose on your house, or you found out your spouse is cheating on you, or you’re waiting for the results of a biopsy, or your child is in serious trouble.

When you are really going through a lot emotionally, you are not going to be the best version of yourself or the teacher you want to be. You’ve got to come to terms with that and stop beating yourself up for not being a bubbling fountain of joy every day for your students.

And for that matter, we’ve got to stop beating each other up for this, too. I have to fit in a small little tangent here. Whenever people talk about lazy teachers or mean teachers, or rude teachers, why is it that no one ever stops to ask, What is going on in that teacher’s personal life? What is causing him or her to be unable to do a better job for those kids?

In almost every instance I can think of, the so-called lazy teacher was a person who was dealing with long-term, debilitating health issues, caring for an ill spouse or an elderly parent, or experiencing deep financial hardship that became all-consuming for them. I don’t know anyone who intentionally does a poor job teaching and doesn’t care about their students. They’re just incredibly distracted, worn down, and exhausted. When we see teachers who are ineffective, we really need to come alongside them, figure out what is going on, and how we can support them.

So if that’s you right now– if you’re not doing the job you wish you were doing for your students– would you show yourself some of that grace? Would you recognize that there is a real reason why you’re not giving 100%? Would you acknowledge that you are a human being with emotional needs and physical limitations? Even if no one in your school acknowledges that, I’m acknowledging it, because it’s true. And I want you to acknowledge that, as well.

Now, these losses and hardships and periods of grief are not a license to do a halfway job of teaching your students. They are an opportunity to recognize that you are not at your best, show yourself grace, and plan ahead in order to minimize the impact on your students.

I think of these periods of life as low-energy seasons. Grief and pain and stress are all-consuming. They drain your energy so you don’t have anything left to give in the classroom. So, think about this whole situation from an energy management standpoint. You always have a finite amount of energy to give, and right now, you’ve got a lower amount than normal.

Narrow your focus to what’s truly most important and channel as much of your energy as possible into those aspects of your work. Cut out the “extras” and don’t put pressure on yourself to go above and beyond in areas that don’t really matter. Permit yourself to do a little less by remembering that the situation is temporary: you will be able to work at the level you’re accustomed to again, and in order to get to that level, you need to allow yourself a time of less pressure.

Even though you might feel like you’re on your own, you can’t be afraid to reach out to others for support when you’re in a low-energy season of life. Drop the superhero syndrome, swallow your pride, and ask people for help. See if a colleague can pick your students up from lunch for you or ask if a team member can run off extra photocopies or gather lesson materials. You can return the favor when you’re feeling better, so don’t feel guilty about asking for help.

When other people offer to take responsibilities off your plate or ask if there’s anything they can do, avoid the knee-jerk response to just say, “It’s okay, thanks.” Instead, have a prepared list of tasks that can be delegated, and tell people, “Thanks so much for offering! I would really appreciate your help with ___.”

I also highly recommend that you just level with your students about the fact that you’re not at your best. Even the youngest students can tell when we’re just putting on an act and our hearts and minds aren’t really with them. They don’t know what’s going on, but they know something is wrong.

things-falling-apart-might-actually-be-falling-into-place

So share whatever you’re comfortable with. Tell them you’re feeling sad because someone in your family is very sick, or say that things are hard for you right now at home, or if you don’t want to reveal that much, just say you’re not feeling your best. Your students are going to relate to that, trust me. Most of them are not frolicking in fields of daisies and riding pet unicorns. They know struggle and pain. And it’s good for them to see that successful role models in their lives are also experiencing problems and are persevering through them.

Don’t be afraid to reveal to your students that you are a person, just like them, and ask them directly for their support and cooperation. When you tell your students that you aren’t feeling great for whatever reason, most of them are going to be eager to help take on some of your responsibilities. You might even find that you were doing tasks that should have been turned over to them a long time ago! Entrust them with more responsibilities, let them know their contributions are really needed in the classroom, and they will generally rise to the occasion.

I’ve also found that a handful of kids will usually help out with reminders to the rest of the class. I’ve gone through a couple of low-energy seasons in life and a bunch of my kids were fantastic about it. They’d help keep order in the classroom for me: “Hey, guys, be quiet, Mrs. Watson doesn’t feel good, remember? Don’t make her shout! Come on, guys, don’t argue, just do it, Mrs. Watson is counting on us!” The kids that say stuff will just make your heart sing. Grab onto those moments and let them motivate you to keep going.

That’s really, really important, because in addition to managing your energy, you’ve also got to do things that replenish your energy level. You know, energy is not like time: you don’t wake up everyday with more it. You have to choose to do things that replenish energy– things like sleeping, resting, eating healthy foods, exercising… all these things we tell ourselves we don’t have time to do, especially when we’re in a low energy period because of stress.

But there is a reason why people keep telling you to take care of yourself. You keep telling them you can’t, you have to take care of everyone else, as if taking care of yourself is a selfish endeavor. But caring for yourself is the LEAST selfish thing you can do. Because when you take care of yourself, you are giving the best gift you could ever give your family, the best gift you could ever give yourself– the healthiest and happiest version of YOU. That’s what your students really want and need, too– a healthy, happy teacher. You owe it to them and yourself to pursue that.

Everything will be okay in the end. If it’s not okay, it’s not the end.--Anonymous Click To Tweet

You are strong, and you can get through this. Please leave a comment below if you’d like to talk more about this topic–I would love to help you in any way I can.

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Angela Watson

Founder and Writer

Angela created the first version of this site in 2003, when she was a classroom teacher herself. With 11 years of teaching experience and more than a decade of experience as an instructional coach, Angela oversees and contributes regularly to...
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Discussion


  1. Thank you so much for this post that I felt was almost written for me right now. I have been out of work (I am a certified special ED teaching assistant) since 2/24/15. I have been getting severe migraines which they believe are brought on by stress and anxiety. I have also been diagnosed with bipolar depression myself, and my 14yr son has Asperger’s and we believe is Gay. Yes, there is a TON going on in my life!! So I saw this tonight, read it and started to cry. I miss my kids at school so much.. and have been feeling so guilty and embarrassed being out.. I am scheduled to return to work either on 3/23/15 or (if meds aren’t working right) 4/13/15. I am SO scared to return. It has been kept confidential as to why I am out through HR but it is not an easy job and I have not been there to do my job. I have been pursuing the idea of working from home (switching careers obviously) as a travel agent and considering going back to school (OT/PT or massage PT) in the thoughts that it might allow me to be more available in these teen years at home.. None of this will happen overnight. It’s all going to require a period of time to get it set up. (Maybe even a year) Therefore this all being said I’m going to have to return work in some fashion before then doing something as being out entirely is not an option. I for see that I will not get a NEW job prior to returning within the month. It disturbs me though that not once has anyone of the faculty, staff, my master teacher in the room, building principal, etc. reached out to check on me. At all. The staff in my building are very clicky and negative and do not build each other up at all.. It makes it tough to want to return to this environment and staff. They are young a lot of them and all have different background issues of their own, and just not a caring environment if u are not part of the “clique.” This is my first school year in this building and I have been struggling for months and eventually it got the best of me between work and home issues.. So when I saw this tonight it was SO ironic.. I was wondering if there were any suggestions u had for me about returning to work or even preparing to be able to return to work in this environment and level of stress the job entails, with the stress I am dealng with at home? It’s so tough to wrap my head around even being able to manage both.. My husbands works in the corporate world and makes decent $$ but with all on our plate I HAVE to work as well and bring in a decent paycheck. I am struggling to manage myself and my home life right now as it is.. So worried.. Thanks for reading this and I will continue to look for and read anything you can offer on this subject… Thanks so much again for this post!

  2. I swear this has been the hardest season. I did have a low season about five years ago… this school year was harder. I know my issues are not as trying as some people I have read about here, but nonetheless, my heart hurts even as we speak. I have followed you hit and miss for a while, but I truly think that this came across my screen 10 days after the fact at the perfect moment. My mom’s health took a major nose dive late last summer and to get her settled into an ALF took until January. It was like a part time job doing paperwork and visiting and all that jazz…, my best friend got married in the midst of that, so for support she was relatively unavailable in the midst of honeymooning period of her marriage. My sister is also a teacher trying to work towards administration position– she has just as much demands. I did find support in my church family and in a long term relationship that has ended up going nowhere– another sense of loss— the one who supported me through my mom’s illness season and pushed me to keep going. Meanwhile in my gifted magnet school, the expected EPs and academic competitions has carried on with daily lessons and grading demands and parents— all a constant battle— it has been difficult. I know I have not been the best teacher this year. I have been like a robot, cut-and-pasting my lesson plans from last year verbatim. I was training for half marathon– a personal goal I have had building up for a few years. I have put it off 3 times now… I don’t feel strong enough mentally, physically, emotionally… i haven’t hit rock bottom, but I have hit a low. I have had thoughts I have not felt since being a teenager… this week has been hard… hitting an emotionally low last night. Three-four hours of sleep a night now going on 5 nights in a row… the kids this morning are what brought my spirits up. It is crazy that even 13 yr olds can have that affect. I love them so much!!! I just want to do right by them, but can seem to get there this year.

  3. I’m 38 and have been teaching 17 years. I actually got taken from my school today by ambulance for tachycardia. I know I need to remind myself of all of this. Of course I’ll be right back in the classroom tomorrow!

  4. I needed this. I had to put my dog down, that I’ve had since I was 12, and I’m barely functioning. My home feels empty when I arrive from a long work day. My kids asked what was going on and because of this podcast I shared it with them. All of my 7th graders showed me compassion and kindness. I’m also a first year teacher and first year librarian to boot. So, I’m hoping I can return to my bubbly self soon for my students. I keep relistening to this episode because I can’t push away my grief. If it wasn’t for this podcast, I’d feel even worse…so thank you.

    1. I’m so sorry to hear about your dog! I had to put my beloved cat down in August, as she had a brain tumor. I know what you mean about the empty house. 🙁 I’m glad the episode was helpful for you. Hopefully throwing yourself into your work will be a good distraction. It was for me! We got another cat this month and she’s been a wonderful distraction, too. 🙂

  5. Thank you! During the last 3 years, I’ve lost both my parents, my brother in law, and my sister was diagnosed with breast cancer.on top of that, my husband had an accident and I had a breathing attack. Now our son is going to prison for a very long time. Fortunately my principal is awesome and my class is sweet. Pray for us.

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